In preparation for leaving town:
I dropped off the fellas at the kennel (the fellas for all those who have forgotten):


Herc

Petey

Hef
After this we jumped in the car and headed to Okla’fuckin’homa. On the way south we passed through teh ICT, land of 30 day tags, horse trailers filled with big wheels, and Ian Ottaway. Little did I realize that when I hit the state line I would be in teh land of expired 30 day tags, b0rken windshields and drunken Indians running casinos…
Ok, that wasn’t politically correct, let me state that again. …teh land of expired 30 day tags, transparent air deflection barriers, and drunken Indians running casinos…
Visiting my in-laws is usually a good time so I shall bitch. However, even passing through OK makes me want to start shooting. Not all people in OK are redneck fucktards, but I you can’t seem to swing a dead one and not hit one…
Everytime I visit here I feel like fucking Ferdinand Magellan. I swear to you I discover something new each time.
This time around it was a complete and painful understand of the importance of football. For the love of Chad Stubbs these people are deadly serious about two things (the second I will get to momentarily), football and church.
Silly me I made the mistake of “rolling” in the weekend OU plays OSU in Norman. So the first thing any asks you here is, “Where do you go to church?” followed immediately without a breath, “youa sooooner or a’ cowboy?”.
Let me elaborate on the “church” thing. So I am driving around here in Edmond looking for a bookstore…yeah good luck with that one, essentially the landscape appears something like this (left to right on your radio dial):
7-11
Sonic
1st Baptist Church
Pizza Hut
2nd Baptist Church
Napa Auto Parts
Sisters of Eternal Pain and Suffering Catholic Church
Napa Auto Parts
LifeChurch.tv
McDona…wait “LifeChurch.tv“? Yes, that is exactly what I am telling you. Apparently, this is where you still go to church, but the preacher/reverend/pastor/priest/shaman/etc. is not actually IN the church. You go to church to watch church on TV.
And I am here to tell you these fucking Okies FLOOOOOCK to this shit.
So the next time you are wondering how these people:

can “allegedly” steal millions in the name of the Lord, I say unto thee LifeChurch.tv.
Happy Thanksgiving, kiss my rebel dick.